Rainstorms and Roses

Five things I hate the most.

2009-10-10T16:47:00.004+05:30

Should be simple enough, right ?
I can think of a million things I dislike, another million that irritate, annoy or just generally get on my nerves, but things I hate ???

Well number one is courtesy Joey (FRIENDS - ring a bell ?). DONT STEAL MY FOOD. I hate it and if you do it, I will hate you.

Number two - religious politics. Religion is personal, politics is public. Of course if you are a feminist then the personal is political but really, stop with the religious politics - it helps absolutely no one (except the politicians who made a fat load of chillar of the events). But yet, I cannot say this enough - Religious politics is the second most useless thing in the world, the first being psychoanalytic theory of course =p

Number three. - Child Sexual Abuse. (this also includes not giving children sexual education early enough, unnecessarily touchy feely male relatives, creepy teachers and parents who think it wont happen to their kid). Child sexual abuse is a very very real threat that Indians love to pretend is not real. Its a bigger problem than people realise and the sooner they realise the better. Im going to put a full stop here before it turns into a full fledged rant.

Number four - Idiotic people writing books. Im not going to get into the particulars here but who killed the literary agent ??? Getting published was a once a declaration of your worth as a writer, now its more of a look I have money enough to buy me a publisher or lookie I know all the right people in all the right places. Tragic.

Number five - Its a toss up between plagiarising poetry and stupid ideas thunk up by Indian politicians a la' lets ban Savita Bhabhi and Skype (the two most awesomest things on the internet after Harry Potter fan fiction! ).

P and J's Little Apartment Adventures - Chapter 1

2009-10-10T16:26:00.005+05:30

Note: I had published this as part of another blog, but with no more chapters to the tale, Ive just incorporated it into this blog.

Don't trust the Weather people.

Its raining condom boxes. No, scratch that. Its raining vibrating condom boxes. And the Weather Girls said it would be raining men. Then again, who ever trusts the weather people anyways? They also never told me it would be raining chairs. Well half a chair, but a chair never the less. It could have killed me. I could have had a brain aneurysm, or a hair line skull fracture. I also watch way too much Grey's Anatomy.

When we took this apartment, little did P and I know what we were letting ourselves in for. A little terrace seemed nice enough. Sure we lost the view we had on the 9th floor but more space was good. Definitely good. Ahh the naivete of youth. It started small. A cigarette butt here, another one there. Every day there were two or three new ones. Its been two months since we moved in, we also don't ever clean the terrace. Do the math. Then a broken pen . Then someone's underwear. Then a bag fell . God was being bountiful and sending our way a whole lotta stuff. A whole lot of stuff we couldnt even use!!!

Then God decided to have some more fun with us. In all his/her glorious irony he/she sent down two boxes of vibrating condoms. Empty boxes. Further reminding us of our sex lives(non-existent) ( Not that thats any of your business anyways). Then today the impossible happened. Well its not impossible since it did happen. Improbable then. It rained half a chair. I mean really if god had sent down a full chair that would have been one more chair for the house, but no. We got half a chair. One more thing that we can't use.

But if someone who lives up on the 9th floor is listening then next time at least send down a full box, a working pen, an entire chair or un used underwear. Would be nice :D And a word of caution. Do Not Trust the Weather Girls. Im still waiting for it to rain men....

Belonging.

2009-10-10T16:22:00.000+05:30

I.

Small. Flat. Round.
In the palm of his hand.
I want to be.

Beautiful, luminescent.
Eternal.His.
I want to be.

Salty, wet, cheap.
I roll down your cheek.
I disappear.
Everyday.
I am yours to keep.

II.

I am in love with two men.
I hold on to one
while the other
berates me.
I hold on to the other
when one forsakes me.
One lives in my dreams
the other; my reality
I lie strangled
between two men.
Burnt in the heat
of opposing forces.
My heart is no more
than a whim of two men.

Slow Dancing .

2009-04-21T13:50:00.000+05:30

If i could rip open my heart
and show your name
running through my arteries and veins
I would

If i could slit open my throat
and show your essence
passing through to my lungs - my breath
I would

If I could slash my body a thousand times
It still wouldn't compare to the pain I feel
when I see you hurting
when you hurt because of me.

If I gouged out my eyes
Id still see your heart
writhing in agony
bleeding disappointment.

Id hear it shrieking
in an excruciating limbo,
dancing a mad death
with my heart for company

Scarlet

2009-04-21T13:49:00.000+05:30

There was blood last night.

It seeped in to my dreams,

Staining my sheets.

I couldn’t stop the blood.

A broken faucet,

Drowning me.

It welled up from inside me.

It flowed all around me.

I draped it across my naked body

Thinking it could save me,

But my gown of scarlet

Betrayed me.

I thrashed in agony

As the silk wound itself around my body

Clinging tighter than second skin,

Enshrouding me

In nightmares

Of scarlet fears .

The bright light of morning

Saw the scarlet fade away.

No evidence

On the pristine sheets,

Only the darkness

Echoing my heart beat.

Nothing

2008-12-05T02:38:00.003+05:30

A house is no longer a home,
even though the walls
are the same.

Watching relationships
disintegrate to ash
is no chick-flick .

Its not an explosion.
No earth shattering event,
this slow decay.

He set the scene.
She struck the match.
They lit the fire.

It consumed silently.
They never noticed
as the bed disintegrated.

The flames ate their hearts,
Leaving cinders in its wake,
And bitter hate.

Two homeless people
With a roof above their head
and not a word to be said.

Brutal

2008-09-03T21:14:00.002+05:30

I need to write my pain

To turn in to empty sounds

the ache within my heart

I need to hear the echo

of your beating heart

to feel whole again .

In the silence

I know the end I see

can never be.

I shall not bear witness

to the slow prosecution

of what once a part of me.

Im holding my head high

searching inside

to do what i think is right.

Come tommorow

I wont sleep by your side

Its gunna hurt like fuck

But we have to survive

Love letters

2008-05-27T20:32:00.000+05:30

Of twos and Schmoosh

2008-03-30T20:34:00.006+05:30

Ishtaar told me to write a 3:00 am blog. Its 2:00 am , so thats close enough I suppose . Maybe two could be the new three , you know like they say in fashion magazines every season "insert random color here" is the new "black". If only it was that easy . Up could be the new down , right could be the new "wrong", back could be the new forward , everything would be the wrong way down or the right side up , depending on which way you looked at it .

Makes you realise how everything is so interchangeable . What makes love , love, apart from what everyone else makes of it ? What if love was hate and vice versa ? What if the number 2 didnt exist at all ? What if two was called schmoosh ? So numbers were actually one schmoosh three four five six seven eight nine ten eleven schmoozle and so on .

We put so much emphasis on words , subtle differences , correct pronounciations , when all a word is ,is really a bunch of sounds that your brain receives and interprets in a particular way . Which means hypothetically you could choose to interpret words and sounds differently from everyone else , except then they would think you were a lunatic. Which is odd because you wouldnt really be a lunatic , you would just be different . But then again that is what lunacy is right ? When some people have a different "reality" from what is commonly accepted.

Where do the lines blur between individuality and acceptability ? Or are they actually mutually exclusive because all our lives we are programmed to fit in ? Why do we automatically fear that which we cannot comprehend ? Is insanity really that "bad", or do we just not accept it because we cannot understand it ?

If questions were answers and answers were questions
And life was not a series of orders but suggestions
What would you do and whom would you be
If your life was a dream , and you dreamt reality.

Homo faber

2008-03-26T14:39:00.004+05:30

I met a guy once . The first day , he was hanging around while I was working, watching me intently. I watched him too .The second day we spoke a little , our names , what we did - insignificant stuff. The third day we talked a lot , about music , local gossip etc. The Fourth day we spent the evening together talking about where we came from , we talked about identity , our dreams , our hopes , our aims , our struggles and our experiences. We sat on the the pavement and had chocolate gelato . I never saw him after that.

My nonchalance at being adopted took him by surprise. He said that had he not known where he came from , his roots , his origins , it would have left him quite messed up . Because there is always a sense of something missing . I said I didn't care , I had a family that I loved and that loved me in return , I was happy and well taken care of . Its not like I didn't care about my origins , its just that since I couldn't find out where I came from , I saw no point in letting it make me miserable .

Today I was listening to Malayali rock . After a very long time I found myself missing my family. Not my mother but the concept of what could have been my family . Namely my grandparents- from Kerala , who immigrated to Canada soon after my father's death . For the first time in my life I found myself wishing I knew Malayalam . Then I thought , well if I knew my biological past then it would be ok for me to not know malayalam right ? I mean if my biological parents were punjabi then obviously I wouldn't know malayalam . Well sadly I don't know punjabi either.

I used to think it was cool , being a citizen of my country with no other guaranteed ethnicity. Its like I was given a life all my own and I could choose to make what I wanted of myself . This was my opportunity to defy all conventional stereotypes. But late at night , sometimes I really do wish I knew where I came from . Why was I created , was I creation of love , an illicit affair ???

I question my identity sometimes , sometimes I can't bring myself to care. Before I left India , my aunt gave me a lot of advice . She also gave me a name . Homo faber - she said it meant someone who shaped their own destiny . Maybe I was lucky to have no roots , it meant I could dig down and settle where I wanted. Maybe it was life's way of telling me to make my own destiny from scratch . I think I like that concept . I think it scares me a little.

When I met him , I knew I would never see him again . I never game him my number , email address or any other contact information , neither did he. He never asked . Neither did I . My sense of identity , the sense of belonging that I dont feel is alot like my encounter with him , fleeting , simple , honest and with no promises of tommorow.

Some Poetry

2008-03-24T12:17:00.002+05:30

Packing

If someone had to pack a suitcase with all things me,
What an odd collection of things that would be.

Socks to keep me warm on a cold winter night.
Paper and Ink – because I love to write.

An old necklace, loved and worn.
Painted converse shoes, threadbare and torn.

An assortment of watches because I am never on time.
Neon stars on my ceiling and a window of sunshine.

A pinch of sand and a bottle full of sea,
A sea shell from the beach – Happy memories.

Antique silver earrings, my favourite jewellery.
An inheritance of culture, a lime and green chillies.

Slabs of chocolate for some instant love.
My collection of books and a cooking stove.

Chewed up nails and fallen hair.
Body fat that is always there.

Aspirations and a little ambition.
Humility laced with subtle derision.

Candlelight and Candy hearts for Romance.
A handsome man – sharing a dance.

Shards of broken dreams and floating hope.
Strawberry shampoo and Vanilla soap.

Running out of space, there is so much to pack,
Trying to figure out the things I’ve left back.

I slam shut the suitcase full of everything but me.
What an odd collection of things I turned out (not?) to be.

__________________________________________________

Kiss

Lips touch
As desires collide
Dancing
In the midnight
of passionate skies

Lust Twinkles above
As she orchestrates the scene
Conspiring with love
to create a sinful melody

Teasingly he touches
her graceful neck
They exchange glances
to communicate
Things better left unsaid

Eyes lowered
She blushes
as he leans down
to Steal her heart ,
Their souls merge ...

Lips touch
As desires collide
Dancing
In the midnight
of passionate skies.

__________________________________________________

On Making a Mistake

Love me
Even though I am ashamed

Rid me of my guilt
ridden clothes
andWash them clean

Put me to bed
Like you did
When I was but a child.

Heal me.
Hold me in your arms
Make the world go away

I let you down .

Are you disappointed ?
Are you sad?
Did I hurt you too much?
Can I ever fix it ?

I am sorry.

Please
Make my error
Disappear.

Hold me tight
Support me
like you did when I
first learned how to walk.

I’ve walked enough now .
I must learn to fly,
But I am unable to run
fast enough for take off.

So dazed.
So sleepy
But these days
Sleep doesn’t come easy.

Following Orders !

2007-12-05T21:57:00.000+05:30

I was walking on the beach today . I saw a beautiful white shell embedded in the sand . I washed it in the sea and picked it up to admire it. A few steps ahead I threw it back into the sea , as far as I possibly could. My friend screamed at me in exasperation " What was the point of picking and cleaning that dirty shell only to throw it back into the sea ?"

What was the point ? I can't explain it to you even if I tried . Except that I will never forget the pristine beauty of my shell on the beach . But in my hand the shell looked empty , beautiful but lonely and even though I wanted to keep that shell with me , I knew it would lie forgotten and forlorn in my room in a few days . And so I etched its beauty in my mind forever and threw it back into the sea where it belonged .

_____________________________________________________________________

3000 balloons = 3000 happy children

Why do balloons make children happy ? I was giving out free balloons on the Bandstand promenade for a vodafone promotion . And all these little street children came up to me for balloons , normally I would have given then the balloons quite happily except that my boss was around that day and he had kind of told me i couldn't. So i told some of the kids to come back a lil later when I could give them chocolates . And then this little kid looked up at me and said "didi chocolate nahin , balloon chahiye" And I tried my best to convince the kid to take the chocolate but he insisted on taking a balloon . And I dont understand why but his decision left me puzzled. I mean a chocolate is tangible .you eat it and you are satisfied . but a balloon is a fleeting moment of happiness before its gone . Because eventually it will go , float away into nothingness. The chocolate would make have filled that kids tummy , (he looked like he could do with food) and made him happy , but he chose the balloon !!!!

Is that how it is with human beings and love ? We choose to invest our energies in fleeting moments of happiness despite knowing that it will go eventually and in the process forgoing a more practical alternative ? Why do we forgo the rational for the irrational . Why does our happiness follow no logic or decipherable pattern ?Why does impulsiveness remain impractical ?

That little boy's decision was symbolic in so many ways . Symbolic of the way so many of us choose to live our lives - carpe diem quam minimum credula postero (Seize the day trusting little in the future ) Because when the nights are long , cold and rough, it wont be chocolate but the memory of that balloon reminding the boy of better days past and to come .

But maybe I am over analysing as I am wont to do lately . maybe the guy just dint like chocolate - as simple as that . But what if he did ?

What if ?

I was talking to someone today about my trip to Kerala. I was telling her about the time my DOP told me to go find some goats for the scene . And she said , "You should have just shown him the mirror " ..... Touche !

Thoughtlace !

2007-12-04T16:13:00.000+05:30

"Ooh baby do you know what thats worth , Oooh heaven is a place on earth .
They say in heaven love comes first , We'll make heaven a place on earth " - Belinda Carlisle

Random thoughts strung together like Beads on a string
Talking of life and love they sit content, softly whispering.

What would you make of my heart
Would u preserve it or tear it apart .

Have you ever heard a heart cry
Seen it awash in bloody tears
Would you wipe my heart dry
If I gave in to my childish fears ?

A passing Note ...

2007-11-11T22:34:00.000+05:30

Everyone who loves hindi movies was eagerly awaiting diwali , for it brought to a climax the year long wait for 2007's biggest releases- In the words of SRk " A work of love and passion vs Big money " .

I am sitting here now only after watching both movies and Ive got to admit it ... If I was blown away by Saawariya ... Om Shanti Om Blew me away once more and then brought me back with a smile on my face !!! Seriously ppl ... If you love bollywood you cant not love Om Shanti Om ... A mocking tribute to Bollywood and everything it stands for ... in short what we call "paisa vasool" entertainment . The songs will have u dancing in your seat , the emotional scenes will have u in tears and of course the happy ending will leave u smiling all the way home .

Special mention to the spoof of a fight sequence from a Tamil movie .. a la Rajnikant "yenna rascal-a" . Also to the title sequence in end where Frah Khan takes care to not neglect even her spot boys ... As someone whose done chaprasigiri for a movie , the respect that it denotes is much appreciated , and for that alone Farah Khan has my respect .

By the way , those of you who appreciate art and literature may just give Saawariya a look , for more than anything Saawariya is like a series of paintings that run into each other and happen to elaborate a story of sorts . And believe me the star of this movie is not Ranbir or Sonam (though Salman Khan came close) , but it is in fact Zohra Sehgal , who steals the show with her colorful character and vibrant dialogue delivery.While the DOP for Saawariya blew me away with those darkened hues and stark contrasts , it was Manikandan's colorful tones that left me wanting more . Truly ... Go watch Om Shanti Om ... There's always time to watch Saawariya on DVD .

Blogging ???

2007-11-08T18:18:00.000+05:30

SO blogging in the office ... hmm ... Shouldnt I be working ? We-ell ... I AM working .. I am also very BORED . Bizarre ... I mean Ive been bored before , but that's generally when Ive had nothing to do , but now due to a strange turn of events I find myself bored while actually being very busy , I suppose its part and parcel of the mundane ?

I started the day waking up late as usual , rushing to work ... I was soon swamped ... Now 400 stickers... 700 show tickets ... 1 trip to hill road looking for material in Vodafone Red , one cold lunch , 12 phone calls , 30 text messages , 6 address printouts and 6 missed couriers later ... I find my self in that bizarre position "Busy but Bored".

Its going to be a long night , wrapping up so that I am not forced into visiting my place of work on diwali . If work is worship then oughtn't we all to work on festivals ? (just a little rhetoric that's all .. ) Although if work truly was worship then workaholics would be akin to priests or nuns right ???

Right Im beginning to make no sense .. nonsense !!! Tis the first sign of insanity . But then again if I am so busy, how is it that I am blogging ... simple ... its a rule I like to call "one line at a time"... whee !!! bring on the whiskee baby !!!!
I swear I could do with a good cosmo or mojito at the mo... speaking of which ...whats with mojitos made with bacardi ... coz i swear with mojitos it was sposed to be tequila all the way !!!

well alright i better get on with my work or ill never leave .. to all my lovely ppl ... "shubh deepawali"

This is not a love song !

2007-11-04T19:40:00.000+05:30

I wont write a love letter .
I wont sing a love song
My heart will not echo yours in the silence .
It will not flutter when the phone rings to your call
In fact I will not react at all .

I will not wish you sweet dreams when its time for bed
I will not dream of you at night
And in the morning when I wake
You'll be hoping I might
consider waking u with a kiss - I wont.

I wont think of you when I'm busy at work
And when you message me in your free time ,
I promise you I wont reply
When u hug me tight , I wont react
Im good at pretending , Ill make u belive my love was an act.

I'll have you doubting your every move
second guessing everythign you say
I promise you baby , I'll make this difficult , Ill make it hard
for you to know , see your way in the dark .

I won't be nice , Ill go out of my way to be mean
I'll make it seem like I dont care, Honey I'll make you believe
that deep down inside I feel nothing
when the truth couldnt be further from it
But ill counter my feelings every step of the way
and never let you know it .

Because if you were to truly see
the way I feel inside-
the anticiptaion when the phone rings
and the disappointment when it isnt you
the number of times im plagued at work
by thoughts of us two .
every dream I dream at night , echoes only your name
A day without you isnt a day
but an endless passage of time
The only reason I wake up
is because I know you are mine
when u hold me close my love ,
theres magic in the air
My movements seem hollow and empty
when you are not there .

But how I can let you know ?
How can I admit defeat?
I lost my heart to you my love
And for all that I have nothing to show
but a few moments , frozen in time
a bad bargain some may say
pointless say many others
But either ways , I'llmake sure you never know
How much it hurts when you go
I may have lost my heart but my self I will not lose
No matter the temptation
I have my dignity to prove .

Shooting stars and star less skies.

2007-10-18T00:38:00.000+05:30

Im chasing my rainbows
Im praying for shooting stars
Im flying on the winds of starless skies
only to get nowhere , real fast

Chasing pigments of illusion,
culminates in sleepless nights .
Steeped in sorrow and confusion -
Overwhelming darkness and blinding lights .

If my soul were to fly ,
Id wish the sky , a cage of freedom .
Praying capture and awaiting release,
tangled in web of contradiction.

Of moonlight kisses and starlight wishes

2007-10-07T18:12:00.000+05:30

Love is for the brave of heart , for those of us who have the courage to put our hearts out there in the cold cruel world and let fate run its course . Romance is but a seven letter that denotes the elusive magic of everyday life, that we all want to feel , but can never really touch . This isn't me trying to define words , I prefer to leave that to those who write dictionaries for a living. But the lack of romance in my life currently has me debating and introspecting a lot more than the norm .Of course add to this the insane amount of chick flicks/chick lit i seem to be ingesting,its no wonder my mind is in romantic overdrive. The truth of the matter is that when it comes to love ,I know nothing . Most of my close friends have heard me talk , they've taken my advice and believed in my convictions. But the truth of the matter is that I have never put my heart out there (or maybe I did once but have forgotten whatthat was like) ,I dont really trust anyone with my heart (fragile as it is) and yet I know that love and trust work in tandem.

I watched a movie I really like for the second time . Most ppl hate this movie for various reasons but I still like it . Here is a long quote from the movie . Enjoy it for what it is - cute , simple and sweet .

"pick a line"
"what ?"
"any line ..."
"what do you mean ?"

"jab ek ladka ek ladki se shaadi keliye uska haath maangta hai... he needs to pick a line, so whats your line ?"

"Nikki bakshi kya tum mujhse shaadi karogi ?"

"Thats your line ???!!
what part of falling in love dont you understand? ?!!Jerk , tum jaisa stupid dumb idiotic ladka maine aaj tak nahin dekha !!!!...remember that morning ,woh kitni special subah thi aur kya tumne kya kaha ,i love you nikki baby ??? No, tumne kaha do you want coffee? No, i dont want coffee , I dont like coffee, I dont even drink coffee..."

"You know what your problem is ??? tum ek teraah saal ki bigdi hui ladki ho jo zindagi bhar teraah saal ki rahegi ,aur tumhein sirf mein tolerate kar sakta hoon kyunki mein ek chaudaah saalka brat hoon jo zindagi bhar chaudaah saal ka rahega and thats why you fool,hum dono ek dusre ke liye perfect hain ..."

*sigh and what a line that was . Yeah ok My taste is movies might be bizarre and so is my idea of love and romance, but the sheer pragmatic romanticism of that line got to me . This wasnt two ppl pretending to be perfect , but two people embracing each others imperfections and vowing to love each forever with and not inspite of them.

Random Rants

2007-08-18T22:45:00.000+05:30

There is confusion growing leaves and sprouting roots in fertile soil ;
Heartbreak lurking around the corner planning his next attack.
There are difficult decisions waiting patiently to be made real .
There are roads over grown with weeds of decay- eager to be tracked.
_________________________________________________

Sleeping sound within the soul is music
waiting to be awakened by the softest breath ,
a sigh of desire and the flutter of a kiss.

_________________________________________________

Watching is you is agony .
Tuching you is a painful reminder
of what can never be .

__________________________________________________

To be is to exist
within a world
not yours alone.

__________________________________________________

I am always Mine ,
unless you choose
to make me yours ,
and then I will "be".

CHAK DE INDIA ! - review

2007-08-12T23:25:00.000+05:30

CHAK DE INDIA !!!!

When you watch this movie you will at various points laugh till you want to pee, scream in enthusiasm , teeter on the brink of tears in empathy , shake your hands at the screen in rage and at the end of the movie you will leave the theatre with a tinge of regret … because you have to wait another 6 months to own it on dvd .

Yes this is the feel good movie of a different sort , it screams girl power all the way and is patriotic in a subtle , inspiring and unassuming way .

Shimit Amin is commendable as director though I personally felt that some of the shots of the hockey game became to blurred and hence detracted slightly from the experience , another fellow movie-goer felt it suitably complimented the pace and style of the movie .The editing was smooth and the songs skillfully woven through the extremely taught screenplay resulting in an overall overwhelming movie experience .

The acting cannot be faulted . SRK delivered a rare performance where he truly is the character and not “SRK” but better yet were the girls of the hockey team . Each and every one of them seamlessly moving through the movie wearing their characters like second skin .

Lastly though I truly believe that the tour de force of the movie is its screen play. Its dialogues are truly funny , touching , whimsical and authentic . They reflect the essence of the diversity of this country … its worse enemy and best friend (the language barrier). This movie is a subtle tribute to India , its heroes and villains , its never say die attitude and the long drawn out battle of the Indian woman as she fights to be free from the clutches of the belan and chimta ….

The Forest of opportunites lost.

2007-08-06T01:01:00.000+05:30

As I was walking through the forest ,
I glimpsed opportunities past.
I think I took a wrong turn someplace-
I think I moved too fast.

In my haste ,I believe
I was blind
To what I ought to have seen.
And in the course of my journey,
I think I ended up
Where I never wanted to be.

I try to retrace my footsteps.
They are difficult to spot now.
Eroded by eddies of faulty memories
It is difficult to see where exactly
I deviated from the path chosen by me.

Maybe the beginning is where I ought to start.
But going back home is no easy task .
Through the dark canopy of old mistakes
I must struggle to make my own way.

No one said it would be easy.
But they never warned me
It would be like this.
Or maybe I just never saw
What was staring me in the face.

Every step of the way
I must fight the mediocrity
That threatens to captivate
And I must learn to ignore
The temptations of security
That lead to complacency.

Every second I’m running faster,
For time is out to make me lose
This twisted race that I never chose.
Hurriedly my eyes strain against the hazy mists,
They search in earnest high and low ,
Seeking the sign that I shouldn’t have missed.

If only I knew where to go !?

Film Review - Gandhi My Father.

2007-08-03T23:40:00.000+05:30

The movie with a title devoid of punctuation. I suppose that fact alone should have foreshadowed what the movie would be like – intriguing but still lacking. The movie starts of brilliantly, as the audience is witness to the beginning of the decline of the relationship between Gandhi and Harilal , set in the picturesque Phoenix Settlement in South Africa .

Bhoomika Chawla as Harilal’s betrothed Gulab is absolutely stunning in her simplicity and delivers a convincing performance as a young woman in love and later on a strong and resilient woman, who deals with circumstances as they come to the best of her abilities . Akshaye Khanna as Harilal is also up to par as is Darshan Jariwala as Gandhi . Yet it is Shefali Shah as Kasturba who steals the show with her moving portrayal of a mother who refuses to give up on her son, a mother who is helpless against the deepening rift between her husband as first born son , a wife who must stand by her husband whether she agrees with his decisions or not and above all as the woman behind one of the greatest men of the twentieth century . Shah’s portrayal gives this otherwise sidelined persona great depth and an otherwise unperceived reality.

Yet sadly the movie fails to grip the attention of the audience beyond a certain point. With long shots and otherwise meandering cinematography this is a movie that will often lose focus and at times make the audience feel as though they are watching a condensed history of the freedom struggle. With a movie that seemed as though no expense was spared, the make up for the movie was sadly disappointing with all the characters aging through an increased amount of dark circles, white hair and little else. Technically the film was without fault, David Macdonald as director of photography did a faultless job depicting India in all its colored hues.Certain moments in the movie worth noting include footage of Nehru's famous speech on the eve of "India's tryst with destiny ".The direction was a little lacking for the film meanders often and leaves one contemplating the point of it all . And this is where the movie falls short . With a message that does not stand strong , this is also a movie that one would not watch “just for fun” .Watch this movie once though , it a story worth knowing (but I’d wait for the dvd).

Dream Spin

2007-05-30T19:25:00.000+05:30

Dream, is all I do.
And nothing to make my dreams come true.

I am a dreamer .
I dream and dream alone .
As alone I dream .

I am a dreamer .
Realisation is not my forte.

I am a dreamer.
I dream the day through.
I live on my dreams like dreamers do .

I am a dreamer.
There is nothing I do but dream
And watch my dreams turn to nothing.

I am a dreamer.
And shall dream until I die
As I dream I will not realise my life has passed me by .
They told me to dream,
And dream I did .
Never knowing how much I stole ,
as I dreamt and made my life mine and mine alone .
And when I die , I will leave nothing behind .
All my dreams trapped in my mind
And along with me, they will be gone
And then maybe I will dream that with my dreams ,
theres so much I should have done .

Lonely Whispers Loud

2007-05-17T20:58:00.000+05:30

A poem for a poem .
A song for a song.

You tried to be right
knowing you were wrong .

Do unto others what they do to you -
but deep inside the lonliness starts to eat through
all these facades you build with so much care,
as you try to leave your heart untouched and bare .

But the heart beats to a poem all its own
singing a song you know you've always known .

The heart knows no restraint,
Its pushing against the barricades,
Trying to make you listen to a long fogotten tune-
that pain is no matter if your heart is true .

O selfish mind ,
leave your fears behind !

Set your heart free to love and despair-
let it be touched and learn to care .

Love knows pain and love knows joy,
to love ,your heart may be just a toy.
But love knows , when like love is found,
the freedom realised knows no bound.

O mind, listen to your selfish heart.
It begs to be free , to be a part
of someone else's heart , mind ,body and soul .
Captured- it desires to be free of your hold .

Beating loudly , hear its song.
You haven't replied in far too long .

A poem for a poem .
A song for a song.
A touch for a touch .
A heart for a heart.

Be - Cause

2007-05-10T19:59:00.000+05:30

I have a grouse with the world .
I know someone who recently published a book of - to be honest- quite awful poetry - and when I mean awful I'm not even referring to content or poetic licence but simply sentence construction , grammar and style . This person is only 16 years old and his immaturity shines through his verse (or lack of .. verse that is) . And despite that , this "wonderful" collection opens with a preface by Pritish Nandy himself - oh the joys of being the grandson of a political giant (and don't get me started on my issues with said "giant" ... *growls in frustration*). So yes when undeserving people get their "poetry" published and political "giants" propagate half arsed theories and promote communal disharmony , I definitely have a grouse with the world - or two !

Ok ranting over !
Now its I'm -half -panicky -and -half -relieved- time ... what with only EVS and ECO papers left , and everything over and done with , im definitely in emotional turmoil . But on the plus side ... Its soon gunna be Kick-Ass time !!!

New Plan
If I ever own a hair salon , keeping with the current trend of Bizarre Trendy Salon names (read Mad-o-Wat , B:Blunt, Juice , Kromakay) , Im going to name it "Because" ... why ? well "Because ...!" ..lol
but I also did see the this salon that was named something like Curl up and Dye with the pun on the word "dye"... gosh they just get weirder and weirder .

Motto for life ... "Because people are weird !"
Tag line ... "Precisement"

Concept of Note - Universal Adult Franchise (lol Im 18 !)

And so with muddled thoughts and weird words...I leave to watch American Idol ...

Because !!!!

Masquerade

2007-04-12T19:30:00.000+05:30

Here I am .
Living a life is that isn't mine .
Where did she come from - the girl who masquerade's as me ?
I don't think I like her that much to be honest , she's loud and she talks entirely too much .
She suppresses her own dreams and lives in fear of failure - always .
I don't like her .
She isn't me .

Some stories have to be told , some heard and some read but all stories must be felt . Every story carries with it a feeling , a color , a thought and a fleeting glimpse into a world that isn't. I looked everywhere for a story I wanted to tell . Something that I knew would mean a lot to those who read it . But finding a story such as that proved to be more difficult than I anticipated .

Even then - we all have stories. Most of them fairly entertaining ( I discovered this when I took the time , the trouble and the effort to prod and poke people and find their hidden stash of secret stories - I can't help it Im naturally curious) and often stranger than any fiction you or I have ever read . Personally I like to read when I am upset ,alone and want to get away . And right now I want to run away .I want to jump off a cliff and fall - fall into nothingness .I want to squirm enough so that I am outside and in and then I want squirm right around . I just wish that I could do what I want , that I was strong enough to stand up to a life time of expectations of indoctrination , but my heart revolts aginst my brain and calculated pleasure gives way to emotion and Im left floundering in the murky water waters of confusion .

Until Vanilla Ice cream finds me again ....

Silently

2007-02-21T19:19:00.000+05:30

Ever wondered who she is ?
That girl walking silently in the rain
She knows she should find some shelter
But that would only intensify the pain.

The falling water helps her feel
As her tears mingle with the cascade
Letting it flow, She tries to heal
Her wounded soul , Tired and Sore.

She knows she wants to run away
Who would miss her when she’s gone.
She’s the girl they never saw
And she’s lost the strength to go on.

Desolate, she walks all alone
Her gaze is steady , her steps never falter
Without direction- she just moves on
Trying to outrun the shadows of destiny.

With the rain and her tears
Fogging up her inch thick glasses
Suppressing her childhood fears
She struggles to find her rainbow.

Ever wondered who she is ?
That girl walking silently in the rain .
Nobody bothers ,Nobody wonders
As she walks past them again and again.

India Shining

2007-02-08T19:52:00.000+05:30

India Shining ! That's the new slogan out on the street. It fills our hearts with hope , expectations of a better tomorrow . The slogan ,coined by a reputed newspaper known to have front page coverage of Abhishek Bachan and Aishwarya's Rai's relationship, has captured the imagination of generations of indians this year .

But who are we really? Are we truly free , are we really shining ? In the words of our constitution are we really a secular democratic republic ? Or in 1947 did we trade in one autocratic government for another self elected autocracy. In principle alone how is the communal award of 1932 different from the reservation bill passed last year. If separate electorates weren't acceptable 60 years ago why is reservation the norm today , propagated by the same political party that once propagated its very antithesis ? Since when did secularism give way to sub conscious promotion of communalism ? The British propagated the use of the 'divide and rule' policy , is today's government doing any different ? Different rules for different communities , different laws to garner the vote of x community or reservation for y community to win over y community. How can we as a country progress when we lay in fragments within our own boundaries. When we are looked at not as Indians but as Hindus and Muslims and Sikhs and South Indians and so on . How can we make ourselves known globally while we lack a sense of national identity , when political parties promote the hindutva as opposed to Indian nationalism.

Its so easy to blame one community of people , play them off each other , create a riot , set fire to public property and take innocent lives . But these arent our basic problems but merely consequences of political policies. What we need is equality , secularism , true secularism. Where hindus and muslims and sikhs are all treated as one in the eyes of the law and the government . They got it right over sixty years ago when Bhagat Singh said that the first aim of revolution was to" end the exploitation of man by man". But 80 years and Independence later we still lay exploited , our true potential shattered but this time not by the 'firangis' but by ourselves.

India shining ?

2007-02-06T22:45:00.000+05:30

Ahhh here I am ,blogging 10 hours before I sit for my environmental studies mock exam . Suicidal ? Potentially !
Well apparently writing calms me down. So at this point I should have relaxed myself into a calmness induced daze ...yeah right !!!

10 things Im craving...

A good book , a really good book-there is Villette on bed side table but its just not hooking me .
A warm telephone conversation.
Cornelius - My stuffed Lion (dont quite know where hes gotten to).
The smell of freshly baked cookies.
A big cozy arm chair.
A fire place in front of which to sit on aforementioned big cozy armchair.
A fast-forward into a week from today ...(so I can skip my exams)
Cheese.. on fries, Nachos,bread,plain ...anything but processed really .
A big bath tub with hot water and fruity bubble bath.
A hug.

Speaking of cheese . I just had to say that it is my opinion that processed cheese tastes processed and something akin to plastic . It is also to my knowledge that margarine is apparently so heavily processed that it Is one step away from being plastic ! Eugh.

My New Years Resolution: Thou shalt avoid aerated soft drinks like the Plague.

Stupid People

Dumbledore is dead,can people please deal with this and move on!!! I mean JK herself has categorically stated that he is in fact dead , therefore people need to update themselves with the latest news and quit discussing pointless questions that have already been answered.

"Its better to keep shut and let people wonder if you are stupid than open ur mouth and confirm it " - someone (not me) and obviously smarter than me...(well smart enough that i had to steal his line !)

Life has reached a new level of weird when....

Even my mum has begun to spout conspiracy theories...a la Saddam Hussein did not really die.

Aishwarya Rai married two trees and an idol ... Hee Hee. (lol better than the donkey I suppose)

Someone took the time to file a PIL about her marrying a tree . It has been stated as unconstitutional !!! ... Personally im just feeling bad for the tree coz no one asked him ....it ?

Rakhi Sawant compares herself to Shilpa Shetty ... I dont know which one of them is worse .. though honestly ... at least Rakhi has balls ...err figuratively of course.

My friend gets flushed and blushes at the end of a math exam... rumoured to have been turned on by calculus !

Quotes...

Mr SreeRaman ..."Tumhein Dilchaspi nahin toh doob maro "
(if your arent interested go drown and die !)
Thats actually funnier simply coz hes my hindi teacher !

Blondie : ......(saying something)
Me: huh ?
Blondie: Omg dont do that its scary !!!
Me: Huh ?

Tibby: Dude, the Mango sale is going on ...
Me: Mango sale or Mango Mango sale ?

X___________X______________

Tensions are high, People are equally high. No one has slept in a week and everyone just wants to fast forward into time. Yes people , it is exam time .I guess that much was obvious from the first line of this blog . Which if I say so myself has definitely evolved. Its like having a late night conversation with myself. Actually amusing . But at this point I figure Ive written enough.Hopefully brought a smile on someones face and maybe filled someones head with a wacky thought. May the happy thought flies weave dreams in your brains and may the maggots of mirth infest your cranium.Until inspiration strikes again... or may be just another exam ...
:)

UHhh Now what ??!!

2007-01-23T17:16:00.000+05:30

OK .. So here I am ... Giving word-to-word resuscitation to a dead blog . My dead blog . No one came .. no saw and sadly no one was conquered .

I dont know why I am here , back on blogger when i have a perfectly healthy blog up on msn spaces ... Maybe I'm tired of Microsoft's consumerism or maybe I don't have a reason this time .However it works , fact of the matter is a blog .. this blog is just an in between for me .

Seems kinda mean of me to be a writing a blog about how I don't want a blog , never have .. and yet I've been blogging for a good two years now . The story is that I've always wanted my own home page , somewhere me , where players like Microsoft or Google werent limiting me or making me a part of their franchise . I tried getting myself a page on Lycos.com ... but sadly I'm not very proficient with html and stuff so that plan went down the drain .After that i discovered livejournal ... the antithesis to dead journal (which also exists .. amusingly enough). But that got kinda boring coz i couldn't quite figure out what i wanted to do with it and it was too limiting in style .. a "journal" ...the word itself was enough to change a mindset.

Finally i discovered msn spaces . They weren't "live" then . And not every Tom and Harry had one . And I could play around with it fairly well and for a while I was pretty happy . In fact i do still love my msn space .But I want something more ...

A friend of mine has offered to give me a page on his website .. when he finally gets around to creating one . And honest to God I'll be forever in his debt if he lets me do that . No more blog spot and no more spaces .. No more me forced into buying into big techie conglomerates like ms or Google or yahoo simply coz i ain't too tech-literate. But up until then .. this is going to have to do . At least this is a little more serious than ms spaces ... where ppl get one of those and then leave them empty ... And I've always thought that was a pretty crappy waste of space to be honest.

Im not quite so sure what I want to do with this page just yet .. but its definitely not going to be the moan fest it used to be .I hope this time I might actually find some readers interested in my may- be- and -hopefully -not- so insignificant life ...

So until I figure out what to do with myself and this blog ...